I remember meeting someone, years ago, who proudly stated that her husband hadn’t seen her without her Mims Squirrel Removal perfectly intact. She was always showered, coiffed and dressed in his existence. When I asked if that wasn’t an exhausting way to live agreed that it was; getting up before he awakened everyday and anticipating his movements was a full-time preoccupation, but that was the way she felt she ought to be. That was how their relationship worked.
I doubt if many people, of either sex, would be ready to live like that. It seems stressful rather than real life. But I am guessing that a lot people will have things that we choose to keep private and not share with our partners. There’ll be certain things that we prefer to conceal through a desire to keep some mystique or not become too vulnerable.
– It’s frequently the case that we have different personas for different areas of our lives. When we’re at work, with friends, family or at home we might find that we behave in rather different ways. Our partner may never see the side of us that gossips, complains, gets angry, as we may limit that behavior to arenas deemed more appropriate.
– The bathroom can be a no-go area for sharing in some relationships. Whilst some people do not mind who breezes in on them whilst they’re on the bathroom or in the bath, for others it’s their personal time. Or they may wish for specific exercise routines or beauty treatments to be undertaken privately, perhaps out of embarrassment or by the simple desire to have a small personal space. We don’t need to reveal everything about ourselves in order for our relationship to work nicely.
– For many people having a great relationship means never arguing, whilst others adore having a fight, clearing the air and making up afterwards. In order to progress however, disagreements and arguments will need to be handled respectfully.
If one person goes quiet and won’t speak or talk, hurls insults and refuses to listen it can be quite detrimental to a relationship. Most adults can cope with opposing points of view; they try to understand and accommodate why the person feels the way they do. Agreeing to disagree may be a suitable outcome, where both sides shake hands and acknowledge that they’re unlikely to ever win the other over.
Adopting good listening skills, applying compassion and understanding enables a relationship to evolve and move forward. Maintaining channels of communication open is important. Being eager to have regular conversations about real life stuff also matters, instead of internally sighing and turning away from the phone or TV screen. If time is constrained in the week it may be good to set aside a while before dinner or bed to have half an hour catch-up where you like each other’s news and discuss your ideas and feelings. Invest in your relationship at weekends too and maybe think about a regular date night.
– Relaxed dressing can be a significant part of being in a good committed relationship. A lot of people love coming home from work and shifting into’something more comfortable’, though they’re rarely referring to attractive, alluring attire – it is usually more about tracksuits and sweatshirts. It is great to be at ease with someone and be able to kick off your shoes, but it is important not to let standards slip too far.
Remember that this is the person you were so keen to impress. Look after your weight, health and look and continue to take a pride in yourself. When you take care of you and feel great about yourself everybody benefits.
We might look enviously at others with their ginormous diamond engagement rings and perfect lifestyles. Goodness knows how much those rings price! But would you really exchange the tiny diamond chip on your ring for something flashier? It’s travelled with you through the highs and lows of your relationship and was probably bought when you were both beginning you life together. When you look at your ring you can really see what that tiny stone represents about your trip together, how far you have come. It’s your story that matters and the way your relationship works well for you.