You Got This!

Woman Umbrella Floating Jumping Yellow Bac

There is no such thing as bad weather, only Palm Bay Animal Removal.

When I ask workshop participants and coaching clients what they’re hoping to profit from our work together and we begin to write down goals, they often say they want to learn how not to take the conflict personally. It’s a really common theme.

I look at this a lot, since I need that, too. In Don Miguel Ruiz’s informative book, The Four Agreements, one of the arrangements he suggests we make with ourselves to have a happier life is just this:”Don’t Take Anything Personally.”

Benjamin Zander, author, motivational speaker, and conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, often quotes his father as saying,”There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.”

I live in New Hampshire where winter can make each day a challenge. And, particularly when I must travel in snow and ice,I could even take the weather personally!

So how to we actually do it–not take things personally?

Personally, here’s what I do.

I reframe it as not personal. Even when it appears to be, even when it hurts, I recall it is not about me. People do what they do because of who they are, not because of who you are. By way of example, when I imagine other ways the individual might have behaved, I understand they chose this particular option due to their background, worldview, or perception of me, which may or might not be accurate.

2) I stop assuming

I stop assuming I know I anything about them. Assuming I know someone else’s motives is a kind of judgment of them, and I have found that assumptions and conclusions of others’ motives is a trap–for them and for me personally. So I try to stay proactive with my internal and external responses. And if their motives are disingenuous or malicious, I locate out more quickly and can take action to keep myself from harm’s way. I might choose to avoid them or engage them in dialogue about the effects of their actions.

3) I stay curious

I stay curious about myself and the circumstance. I notice the assumptions I’m making and the reactions I am going to have. Maybe my assumptions are true, and maybe they are not. What seems as anger directed at me may be general frustration for an unexpected outcome.When my family member says,”You never listen to me,” I can choose to hear it as a criticism or a call for assistance. I respond differently based on how I choose.

As you proceed into the new year, resolve to notice if you are making it private, and see whether it’s more purposeful to make a different choice. We invent life moment to moment.

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